


You Meant Everything To Me

by 5up3r_N3rd



Category: Alkaline Trio (Band), Blink-182
Genre: Grief, M/M, Multiple Suicides, One-Sided Mark Hoppus/Matt Skiba, Suicide, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-21 02:52:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12448158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5up3r_N3rd/pseuds/5up3r_N3rd
Summary: Tom has been depressed for a couple of years now, but has been seemingly been getting better since Mark came back into his life. "Seemingly" (Wow I'm so sorry I did this)





	You Meant Everything To Me

For the past couple months Mark had been going over to Tom’s to secretly meet with him. He had decided a while back that he wanted to reunite with his former best friend and lover. More or less after a late-night call from Tom that he had really not expected to ever happen. The younger man was having a complete melt down on the other end of the line. Mark felt his heart breaking at hearing him like that. He always knew Tom was a little titched but he had been worsening lately. Mark felt like it was his job to help him just as he had helped him through all his bullshit when they were young. He had declared Tom as his best friend for life and damn it if he wasn’t going to see that through. No matter what had transpired between the two of them in the past decade, Mark was more than willing to put it past them.

Though, when he walked through Tom’s front door that he always left unlocked he did not expect what he found. “Tom..?” He asked, seeing the tall man collapsed on the floor with pills scattered all over. He did not stir at all. “Tom?! Tommy?! TOM?! TOM?! OH FUCK BABY!” Mark grew hysterical quickly dialing 911 explaining to the operator what was going on after turning Tom over from being face down on the linoleum. His lips were tinted blue…blood which had flown out of his nose had mixed with the thick white saliva hanging from his mouth. “Oh Tommy…” He said sobbing heavily, feeling like he was gonna throw up. “What did you do?” Mark’s sobs turned to a high whine as he pulled Tom’s body into his own. He knew better than to think that everything was going to be okay. There was no pulse and the color of his lips indicated he had already left him.

When the medics and cops arrived, it took all they could to tear Mark from Tom’s body. “Mr. Hoppus I know this is very hard for you but please, we are just trying to do our jobs.” A female police officer said softly to him, laying her small hand on his shoulder. Finally, Mark snapped out of it and backed off and watched as they took his lover’s body away. She stayed with him for a moment as the others filed out. “Do you think you’re going to be okay? I can get someone to drive you anywhere you need to go…” She said frowning, feeling heartbroken for him. Mark didn’t trust his voice right now. He simply shook his head no and walked stiffly to the couch, curling in on himself. Her frowned deepened but the ambulance was ready to go and she had to leave. “Take care sir…” She said before exiting the house.

The heavy sobs once again wracked his body, cursing Tom for doing this to him. He noticed a picture of them together of the coffee table and hurled it against the wall. Just as the glass shattered against the wall, someone walked in seeing Mark absolutely losing it on the floor. “Mark?! Mark what’s going on?!” Matt asked taking the other man by the shoulders. Matt had coincidently been just down the street chilling at a friend’s when he had seen police cars and medical personnel fly down the road. Being curious, they stuck their heads out the window and Matt saw them pull into what he knew to be Tom’s house. “Oh holy fuck…” He whispered and started jogging down there as soon as he noticed Mark’s car in the driveway.

Mark let out a scream and totally fell to pieces in Matt’s arms. “He’s gone Matt! He’s gone! He fucking left me all alone! Fucking selfish prick!” He managed to get out, pointing in the direction of the kitchen. Matt had to squint but he made out a small puddle of blood on the ground as well as pills spilt. He knew right then what had happened. “Oh god… oh god Mark I am so so sorry… oh god… I’m right here! I’m right here for you, okay?!” He said tucking Mark’s head under his chin, letting him soak his Pantera tank with tears. His own welled up in his eyes. Tom had been a friend to him for the better part of 15 years and an inspiration to him. “You’re gonna pull through this okay?” He felt the first few trickle down and before long he couldn’t make them stop. “I’m gonna make sure you do.”

Hours later, the two men were still sitting in the same position on the floor. Mark had quieted down quite a bit, only tiny snivels now left his body. “Hey, gimme your keys okay? We’re going home. I don’t want you to say here. I’m gonna take you home.” Matt said rubbing Mark’s back in circles. Mark nodded and pulled them out from his pocket handing them to Matt. “I’ll call Travis on the way there…”

Later at Matt’s, the three members of blink sat around the kitchen table in silence. All eyes were red and puffy, noses raw from the amount of tissues that had rubbed against them. Mark was completely exhausted and just felt like going to bed at this point. He said his good nights to both men. Travis gave him a pat on the back and a reassuring sad smile, letting him know he was there for him. Matt rose from his chair and embraced him. “Please please call me if you need anything okay? Anything at all. Even if it’s just because you can’t sleep.” He said. Mark smiled albeit weakly before walking both to the door. He watched his friends file out to Travis’ car before shutting it. He slumped against it feeling the tears coming on again but they weren’t coming out. He begrudgingly stood and trudged to his bedroom.  
He fell into his bed, turning his face into the pillows. He quickly grabbed the one to the right. It smelled like Tom and finally the tears came flooding back. “What am I supposed to do without you?! I told you I wouldn’t know Tommy… I told you…”

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Tom was gasping and clawing at the sheets as Mark drove himself into him. “Oh Marky! Marky more!” He cried out, eyes squeezed shut. “Yeah baby! Mmm I’m givin’ it to ya!” Mark said now thrusting his hips faster. He had missed the feeling of being inside Tom so badly he hadn’t realized it until they had come home from their third date of seeing each other again. “So good Tommy!” Mark called out, biting his lip as he filled his boyfriend with hot cum. Tom moaned and reached down to stroke himself to completion, releasing his own relief between their two now spent bodies.

“Oh… oh Tommy I missed you baby.” Mark said pulling out and rolling over to bring Tom into his arms on the wide bed. “What would I ever do without you? Always come crawling back.” Mark joked. Tom stayed uncharacteristically quiet for a few moments before asking, “What would you do without me Mark? What if something ever happened to me?” Mark gave him a strange look. “Well quite frankly I have no idea what the hell I’d do without you. And on top of that I’d never let anything ever happen to you. I know you haven’t been feeling well Tom. I know you and you can’t hide much from me. I’m not going to let anything ever happen to you.” Mark replied.

He slotted his lips gently against Tom’s lips, running tongue and teeth along his bottom lip. He raised his hand to run through the other man’s brown locks. “I’ll take good care of you. Just like I used to.” He said as he pulled away. Tom gave a weak smile and cuddled up against Mark. “Sleep tight darling.” Mark whispered against the top of Tom’s head. 

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Mark cursed himself. He should have realized right there what Tom was suggesting. He should have seen the signs. But he had been too ignorant to notice. He blamed himself. Oh how he blamed himself for the world’s loss of Thomas Matthew Delonge. And oh what a loss it was. Especially to him, his best friend since he was 18… lover too. He let hate of himself, hate of Tom for taking his own life, and immense grief overcome his mind.

“I know what I’d do now Tommy… I won’t be able to live without you…” He whispered into the darkness of the room. So many tortured thoughts haunted him at this point. “Be with Tommy… he’d want you to… nothing can separate you… not even death… you can’t live without him… join him…” And before he knew it he was standing on a chair, kicking it out from under himself. Suspended, Mark took his last breath with Tom the only thing on his dying mind.

His phone sat vibrating on the bed. The screen lit up indicating he had 44 missed calls from Matt. The guitarist was extremely worried about his good friend and gave up after he was sent to voicemail on the 44th call. He decided to call Travis instead hoping he’d actually pick up. He knew it was late and Mark had probably just passed out, exhausted from today’s traumatizing events. Thankfully, the drummer picked up by the third ring.

“Matt? That you? It’s like 2 in the morning. Everything okay?” Travis asked, voice thick with sleep.  
“Yeah it’s me. Dude I’ve called Mark so many fucking times. I’m getting really worried. He always answers my calls no matter what time it is.” Matt said, a bit frantically.

“He’s had a horrible time dealing with this shit today. He’s just probably conked out Matt. I wouldn’t worry too much.” Travis replied, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“I want to go check on him. Will you come with me? If you’re too tired to drive I’ll come pick you up.” Matt said, already lacing up his boots.

“No that’s alright dude, I’m up. I can drive. See ya there.” Travis replied hanging up.

“Hang in there Mark… I’m on my way…” Matt whispered into his own empty house trying to calm his emotions. He knew he shouldn’t have left earlier but he didn’t want to treat Mark like he was helpless. He just couldn’t help it. Matt loved him… yes… he loved Mark to pieces and couldn’t stand seeing him in such pain. He knew tonight wasn’t the right time to tell him, seeing as he had just lost his boyfriend but maybe… just maybe it would help him feel the slightest bit better. Maybe it would give him the hope that the future would be a bright one.

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Everyone was leaving. It was a fitting day for this occasion. Every cloud seemed to be in the sky. A wind, far too cold for California blew through the hills. Matt stood unwilling to move to the spot. His feet and heart felt like concrete. Travis was standing next to him awkwardly rubbing his back not really knowing how to comfort his friend. He was hurting just as much. “Travis...?” Matt sniffled looking to Mark’s grave than into the drummer’s eyes. “Hmm?” Travis questioned. “I never got to tell him… I never got to tell him that I’d fallen in love with him Travis…” Matt said just as his knees betrayed him. He collapsed to his knees before the head stone weeping his heart out. Travis felt his own heart crumbling at this spectacle. “We’ll pull through Matt… We’ll pull through.” He replied kneeling by his friend.

After the funeral the days just seemed to blend together for Matt. Travis made sure to keep in touch with him. And as soon as Dan and Derek heard the news they also did their best to help their long-time friend heal. Derek took him out at least once a week so he would at least get out of the house once and a while. Dan would make sure he was eating and at least staying healthy. This was the norm for the four of them for months.

Finally, Matt was able to get his life back in track 8 months to the incident. Alkaline Trio was soon back in the recording studio with a new member. Derek had switched to playing guitar along with Matt and Travis on drums. For once in a long time, the future Matt had dreamed about that night he raced over to Mark’s house actually did look bright.

A couple months later was a year that Mark and Tom had been gone. The four bandmates went to lay flowers and trinkets on the grave stones. Matt spent a little extra time on his own at Mark’s to say a few words. “I was so angry… I was so angry at first. I couldn’t understand how someone like you… could go and do something like that. I’m not angry anymore Mark… I just miss you… I was angrier with myself for not telling you sooner how I felt about you. I knew you were secretly seeing Tom again… I just couldn’t bring myself to intrude like that. Just… if you can here me… I loved… No… I love you Mark… I love you.” He confessed, placing a kiss to the cold stone where Mark lies beneath. “I hope you are resting peacefully… You meant everything to me Mark… whether you knew it or not… everything.”


End file.
